Animal I Have Become
by Belletrist Word Salad
Summary: Another look at the beast within... Songfic tribute to saichanlovestoad's fic, Primal.


**Disclaimer:** The Boondocks © Aaron McGruder, the song Animal I Have Become © Three Days Grace, and the soon-to-be-mentioned fic Primal (and the character Candi) © **saichanlovestoad**. Hope this fic does Primal enough justice, dearie.

**Warning:** Mentions of drug use and implied rape.

**Author's Notes:** This fic is especially dedicated to the one and only **saichanlovestoad**, whose story, Primal, was the inspiration of this songfic. You'll have to read her story first to understand this one.

Also, all you Broadway fans may notice that there are references to a song from a rather famous musical interspersed in this fic. I know; Broadway references in _The Boondocks_? But hey, if they could use an opera in "The Story of Gangstalicious (part one)," why can't I use Broadway in a fanfic, hmm? Anyways, virtual cookies (and a possible Boondocks oneshot) to the first (or only) person who can guess what the song is and what musical it's from.

Animal I Have Become

Fuckin' ho. Who was she to refuse Li'l Esco, anyway?

Such were the thoughts flowing through the cranium of Riley "Li'l Esco" Freeman, otherwise known as "Riley Escobar" or "Young Reezy," as he sauntered his way through the intoxicated crowd to sulk over his rejection prior at the hands of that heart-tattooed bitch, Candi.

Where was the love?

At fifteen, Riley had hoped to prove himself every inch a thug, a rare and awesome thing worthy of bling and other such glamour ever since long before he'd actually joined Lethal Interjection, of which its leader, Thugnificent, was host of this party. For the past seven years, he'd snuck over to such parties (against his grandfather and Huey's wishes), got drunk, stoned…everything but laid. And if everything went smoothly, it would stay that way for a _long _time.

It was this last bit that bothered the cornrowed one the most, filled him with that twinge of doubt as he walked about. Jailbait age aside, didn't he look old enough for a decent fuck? And even if he didn't, with his child's face (at least according to his older brother) and whatnot, hadn't he proven himself worthy of at least a thug rep with all the aforementioned stunts he always pulled?

Before he could mull over his little dilemma any further, he caught sight of the previously mentioned party host waving him over. Approaching the man, the jade-eyed one felt a brief streak of jealousy jolt through his frame at the sight of the curvy hos showing the rapper so much drunken affection. If only _he_ could get such affection…such adoration…

The next thing the thug wannabe knew, he'd had a vial of some whitish liquid pressed to his chest after confiding of his "stupid ho" problem to the former Georgian native. Impatient with the apparent naïveté of his youngest crew member, the Lethal Interjection leader sufficed with explaining only that this P-Ice, as the drug was called, would solve the younger's "bitches problem" and eventually to uncapping the vial and handing it back with the order of "take it, bitch!" when the younger's incomprehension continued.

Glancing from the bacchanalian crowd to the wicked grin of the older man, Riley realized that this P-Ice, this apparent thug's ambrosia, was to be his ticket to all the adoration he so desired. But at what cost?

Contrary to popular belief, Riley had his moments, those moments of uncertainty, of near-faltering, whenever he was about to do something as risky as this. This time was no exception. True, this wasn't the first time he'd poisoned himself with toxins (again, Huey talking), but at least before, he knew what he was getting into, what the risks were; with this drug, however, not even _Thugnificent_ knew what it could do. For all he knew, if he took this drug, it could actually kill him, before he could even leave his mark on the world!

But what if he didn't? What if he gave in to that Jazmine-esque desire to run home, run home to his Granddad and big brother? What would he be thought of if he failed at proving himself a true thug, a real nigga, when his name was whispered in the streets? What would Lethal Interjection think? Thugnificent? Those hos?

The sudden memory of Candi's rejection flashed through his mind. "Come find me when you're a bit older, baby"; that was what she'd said when she'd refused his advances. She'd turned him down because he was too "young", too childish to take seriously. Would there be more rejections like that in the future? More hos laughingly spurning him because of his…_childishness_?

Who was that ho to refuse Li'l Esco? Now he knew; she had ample reason to refuse Lil Esco, Young Reezy. Because that was just what he was: little, young…

_Childish._

But not for long. Adoration, immortality would be his, he decided as he brought the vial closer to his lips. He would've gone further except that his thoughts had been broken again, this time shattered by a voice that at that moment, overshadowed the voice of even Thugnificent: Huey. Big brother, the one he'd disobeyed the most directly that night, for unlike Granddad, Huey had been awake, reading, when he snuck out for the umpteenth time. Riley had known this, but had hoped Huey wouldn't notice. But of course, his brother had always had eyes on the back of that afro-ed head of his, so the revolutionary wannabe had cleared his throat, indicating his presence to the younger.

The two of them had stared each other down, garnet against jade, but in the end, Riley had once again disobeyed Big Brother, had left without a word, without Huey stopping him. Now those same perpetually scowling garnet orbs flashed through the thug's mind, along with his scathing, disapproving voice, shouting that if these people truly valued him, truly respected him, they wouldn't subject him to this.

Maybe Huey was right, a part of him considered, but that notion was swept aside by this thought: What did _Huey_ know about being a real nigga?

This time, there were no second thoughts, no twinges of doubt as Riley finally closed his orbs and brought that frigid vial with its deathly-white fluid to his lips. There was no going back now.

A rush of heat later, his vision was filled with unspeakable horrors.

**I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside**

There was no other word to describe this world that had melted from that of Thugnificent's party. Tilting, swirling colors palpitating into the most wrathful inferno of blood red; twisting, contorting, distorting shapes; people liquefying into the most hideous of visceral slime; the most unfamiliar, primordial of screams emitting from himself against the demonic screaming sensation of the Pandemonium he'd been subjected to by forces he couldn't comprehend.

That scene, that proverbial Hell; such horror was what Riley tried to break from, but to no avail. At such a desperate moment, he couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't see, couldn't move as an infernal heat not unlike that of the outside world gnawed at the very core of his being; a desperate, famished heat…

And through the broken glass the sky had become, he saw _her_, the one who'd committed some great sin against him, though he couldn't remember what. Not that such mattered now; all that mattered was that she had those assets feminine that this new inner heat was calling out for with its glistening, ravenous fangs of lust, of wrath…

**Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself**

At least one of whatever forgotten desires he harbored would be fulfilled. One way or another, she would be his—his in which to release this horrible, torturous heat. At least _one_ part of this nightmare would be over…

And so, with no second thought, the predator took her, the beast within refusing to let go of his ill-gotten prey…

**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal, this animal)**

* * *

**I can't escape myself  
(I can't escape myself)  
So many times I've lied  
(So many times I've lied)**

Hell again, only that of a different sort. What other name could possibly give justice to such a dark continuum he'd been thrust into by more of the aforementioned forces he couldn't understand? For the past few…whatever amount of time had elapsed, such darkness had been broken by a menagerie of images of faces and echoes of voices, all of which some distant familiarity reverberated in some deep part of his mind, but for the most part escaped.

Not that he cared, or rather, could care, not when he tried so desperately, so futilely, to escape this void…

And all that aside, how could he care when that familiar hunger that had gnawed at the core of his being previously had returned to devour him from the inside out?

**But there's still rage inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself**

Something liquid suddenly entered him, flowed through his frame and by some miraculous happening, that dark realm of misery disappeared, giving way to the most beautiful thing he'd seen in whatever-time-had-elapsed: a familiar-yet-unfamiliar being with skin the color of his own, unmarred by hearts or other such shit, a voice that radiated warmth and caring, and a pair of garnet orbs shining with concern for _him_, no less.

By now, the familiar-yet-unfamiliar entity was caressing his face, a refreshing sensation after the emptiness of that infernal limbo he'd been liberated from.

Somehow, he knew this being lacked those assets feminine that had fulfilled that gnawing hunger before…

But assets _masculine_ didn't hurt either…

**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal**

* * *

**Somebody help me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself  
Somebody wake me from this nightmare  
I can't escape this hell**

Riley smiled contentedly, soothed by promises of never being left alone again and now in the warm embrace of the garnet-eyed prey he'd just taken for the umpteenth time…Huey, he somehow remembered, his beloved brother.

But what an argument they'd had. Right after being taken, Huey had talked shit about what they had going. What was that word he'd used, rape? Whatever this "rape" was, Huey had used it to describe the relationship they had, used it to say it was wrong to "rape" someone, especially someone as closely related as they were.

Bullshit! Who was that little bitch to refuse him now, and how could he commit such a horror? To try to leave him, abandon him to that ghastly pit of certain death…especially since Huey was now his only possible outlet for the heat within. Why would Huey take that away from him, leave him with nothing and no one to save him?

Oh well. At least he'd put that little bitch in his place. No way Huey was leaving him now.

But then, what was with this new voice? It was another familiar-yet-unfamiliar voice, and it was conversing with his Huey.

Before he could ponder this further, darkness overtook his vision once again, the voices of his Huey and the Intruder more frantic.

**(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)**

Once again, the fluid that had been his elixir, his escape from that dark world of miserable death, flowed through his veins and that dystopian world disappeared, giving way to the vision of the Intruder.

Dark skin, amber orbs, dreadlocks…so _this_ was the being that had dared violate what he had with his Huey, _his_ Huey.

Animalistic anger coursed through his frame as he struck his beloved brother aside and raced after his new prey. Yes, prey…for that would be his punishment for getting between him and his Huey…to die from the same primordial heat that had been killing _him_ for the past eternity…

**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal I have become)**


End file.
